Divided and Conquered
by CertifiedGeek
Summary: Set the evening of the events in "Divide and Conquer" (S4E5) the team process the revelations of the day. A shameless hurt/comfort story.


Designation: References PX9-757

Spoilers for: Divide and Conquer (S4 E5)

Timeline: Immediately after Divide and Conquer

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><p><strong>Divided and Conquered<strong>

They didn't drink together every night. Out of hours they all had some form of social life away from Cheyenne Mountain, but tonight they found themselves at O'Neill's house, several beers down and a whiskey bottle casually placed in the centre of the coffee table. It had been a bad day, the kind of day they all needed to remember. The kind of day they all needed to forget. The kind of day when they needed each other.

Conversation had been stilted. O'Neill had made the first toast to Major Graham, Teal'c the second to Lieutenant Aster, and Daniel the third to the Tok'ra killed in the first Za'tarc attack. It seemed to Jackson that O'Neill and Carter were unable to communicate with one another which left the archaeologist confused. Teal'c spoke only of his admiration for Lieutenant Aster's bravery and an uneasy, heavy, silence had fallen across the room.

Carter was huddled at one end of the sofa, knees up to her chin, with the dregs of a bottle of Bud swilling back and forth in her hand. Teal'c sat in the chair nearest the door, his manner composed, holding a glass of water whilst quietly meditating. Jackson, who had finally stopped pacing after his second beer took the other end of the sofa and had given up trying to hold a conversation with anyone. Something was critically wrong and he could not determine what that might be. The colonel stood with his back to his team staring out of the window, lines of uncharacteristic deep thought creasing his face.

With the last of his beer consumed O'Neill poured three measures of whiskey into fine cut glass tumbles and refreshed Teal'c's water. Handing Carter her glass last his fingers brushed hers lightly making her look up with a start.

"This toast is yours, Major," he said quietly.

Carter nodded and pulled herself out of her cocoon-like position.

"To Martouf of Ryche," she said quietly, her voice thicker with emotion than she would have liked, "An honourable man and a good friend."

Three glasses raised around the room to join her salute.

"Martouf."

Silence descended again and Daniel, in desperation to start a conversation, asked, "So how did you guys prove you weren't Za'tarcs?"

O'Neill and Carter exchanged glances, the Major's contained a look of concern and the Colonel's a plea for help. Daniel frown, baffled as to how his question could cause such strong responses.

Teal'c, observing all reactions passively, spoke first, "Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter; perhaps Daniel Jackson and I should… take a walk."

Jackson's eyebrows shot up in surprise, his eyes wide and his mouth forming a small o of exclamation. "Did I just say something… wrong?"

O'Neill shook his head, walking back to his spot by the window. "No, Daniel, you didn't."

Carter cast a look at O'Neill, then Jackson and Teal'c.

"Maybe Teal'c could fill Daniel in, Colonel," she said far more hesitantly than she intended, "If you are in agreement, and Teal'c doesn't mind?"

O'Neill sighed silently but visibly, his shoulders rising up and down as he considered Carter's request. There was no point in keeping Jackson out of the loop. He was a smart kid, he'd figure it out sooner or later by himself anyway.

"Sure," O'Neill agreed finally, "If you don't mind Teal'c?"

"I am willing to be of assistance, O'Neill."

The colonel gave a faint smile, "Thanks, buddy. Only it's Carter and me that will take that walk. Right, Carter?"

"Yes, sir," she said stiffly, standing up and almost marching to the door as if responding to an order.

Teal'c waited until the colonel and major had exited the building before rising to his feet. Jackson's frown had deepened considerably, a look of genuine concern lodged firmly on his face.

"Are those guys okay?" he asked.

The jaffa inclined his head slightly, "They have experienced a difficult day."

Jackson rolled his eyes, "Yeah I can see that, Teal'c. I mean, Martouf died in Sam's arms from a Zat shot she fired. That must be killing her right now."

"Major Carter is unharmed," Teal'c frowned. "I do not understand how the death of Martouf would kill another."

"It's a turn of phrase," Jackson exclaimed, exasperated, "It means she is hurting pretty bad."

Teal'c nodded slowly, "Then I concur with your assessment, Daniel Jackson."

"So what happened?" Daniel asked Teal'c when he failed to continue. "Obviously it's more than Martouf's death. Jack and Sam have hardly said two words to each other since we left the base."

The jaffa appeared curiously uncomfortable for a moment, pacing the length of the room before turning back to Jackson.

"Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter discovered they were not Za'tarcs by retaking the test and speaking truthfully."

Teal'c paused and Daniel cracked his knuckles with impatience.

"And?"

"You were aware that the Tok'ra device indicated General O'Neill and Major Carter were relating false memories from our recent visit to PX9-757."

Daniel nodded and fervently waved his hands for Teal'c to continue. "You are being uncharacteristically long winded, Teal'c. Any chance of you cutting to the chase?"

"I am endeavouring to do so, Dr Jackson. Major Carter believed that they had omitted to declare an emotional state during their retelling of the events of that mission. This caused the Tok'ra device to indicate a falsehood."

The frown of confusion on Jackson's forehead had become deep.

"In order to pass the test, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were forced to reveal their level of concern for each other's wellbeing."

Jackson hesitated before issuing a quiet, "Oh. Wow," which caused Teal'c to raise his eyebrows in response.

"Am I to understand, Daniel Jackson, that it is improper for Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter to express these sentiments?" the jaffa asked.

Jackson puffed out his cheeks and considered his response, "Um… well… yes. It's not allowed in military service. It's against regulations. A commanding officer can't… have a relationship with…someone in his team."

"I see," Teal'c said simply, "And what of this agreement to 'leave it in the room'? Do the Colonel and Major Carter intend never to speak of this again?"

"No," Jackson nodded, "But… I guess that might not be enough. Who else knows what happened?"

"Of the SGC personnel only SG-1 and Doctor Fraiser. The Tok'ra, Anise, and her host Freya is also in possession of this knowledge."

Jackson leaned back into the sofa, quietly digesting the information. It was of no surprise to him that Sam and Jack had feelings for each other, he had guessed that much a while ago. It had never been a problem on a mission, and Jackson had never doubted for a moment that it would be. O'Neill and Carter had been nothing but professional. Now their feelings were public knowledge life could be very difficult for them. It certainly explained why they were having trouble talking to each other at the moment.

Teal'c's voice broke Jackson's concentration, "Do you believe General Hammond will disband SG-1?" he asked, "I do not believe this would be in the best interests of this planet."

Jackson shook his head, "General Hammond is a considerate man. As long as Jack and Sam are professional, don't jeopardise missions and don't hook up I think it will be okay so long as no-one mentions this again after tonight."

Teal'c nodded. "I understand," he said gravely. Then, taking a seat beside his friend, the jaffa picked up the TV remote and found something with which to banish the silence.

Outside it was a cool fall evening with a gentle, but chilled, breeze rustling the dried orange leaves that lay on the O'Neill's un-racked lawn.

"Well, this is awkward," O'Neill said finally to end the stillness that had drifted into the garden with them.

"Yes, sir, it is."

"Sir…" O'Neill sighed in frustration, "Dammit, Sam, can we drop the formalities for one evening? Please?"

Looking up at his she released a cautious smile. "Okay," she said, somehow managing to make it sound like 'Okay, sir'.

"Thank you."

Her head bobbed in the curt nod of a subordinate taking a command and O'Neill sighed softly again.

"It's been a hell of a day," he said gently, "How are you holding up?"

"I'll be fine." The 'sir' was silent, but evident.

"I don't doubt that, Sam," he said, emphasising her name, "but I asked you how you're doing tonight?"

Carter's face tensed in the moonlight and O'Neill thought he saw a tear traverse her pale cheek.

"It's hard, sir. I cared about Martouf. He was a good friend… and I hadn't ever managed to figure out where Jolinar's emotional memories ended and mine began. I feel like… like there are two people inside me, grieving for his loss…" Carter hesitated, her voice heavy with sorrow and guilt, "Every time I close my eyes I see the look on his face as he called my name."

O'Neill averted his gaze as Carter roughly scrubbed her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. He was a tactile man. Every part of his being drove him to gather her into a safe embrace. 24 hours ago he would have done it without a second thought, now he second guessed his actions, afraid of the consequences of any perceived indiscretion. His major was seeing the friend she had killed on the back side of every blink. Her colonel was seeing the broken look on her face as she knelt alone, cradling a good man's body on the gate room floor.

Looking up he realised she had turned her back on him, her shoulder's rigid, arms hugging herself tightly, fingers clinging to the sleeves of her sweater.

"You did the right thing, Sam," O'Neill said softly, "It's probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do and I am sorry there wasn't another way."

Mute tears rolled across the major's face, a stream of complex emotions that could no longer be shared. She dared not turn back to her commanding officer, afraid to see the expression on his face, his need to help her that was now so utterly forbidden. Afraid he would see her need for solace and understanding.

In the denial of attraction there had been opportunity. A reassuring touch, a welcome smile, a shoulder to lean on when things were really bad. In one day everything had changed. Every conversation would be inspected, each gesture scrutinized. Their guarded concern for each other, once so well buried in their military minds that it could not reach their civilian hearts, now rushed through their veins in a storm of raw emotion.

"Carter."

He spoke her name so gently fresh tears streamed down her face. Guilt and loss well up in her throat.

"Sam," he said again, "Look at me, would ya?" His hand took her gently by the elbow and she turned slowly.

"We… can't… do this… anymore, sir," she managed to choke out, "We have to maintain exceptional professionalism from now on."

O'Neill shook his head defiantly, a decision made in his mind. "Dammit, Carter, we left _that_ in the room at the SGC. You're my 2IC, my friend, and no damn paranoia about getting court martialled is going to stop me from being me. And it shouldn't stop you, being you, either."

"Sir?"

He spoke firmly, giving his orders. "We are going to carry on as normal, Major. We don't have anything to hide and we aren't doing anything unprofessional."

"But regulations…"

"Don't say anything about team members having the occasional beer, talking about a really bad day and providing one another with moral support… at least not as far as I ever read."

"I think what we are talking about is a little more out of the norm than that, Colonel."

"Really?" O'Neill shot back with more ferocity than he had intended, "'Cos from where I am standing this all sounds pretty normal to me. Tell me, Carter, who do we have to talk to about this kind of crap? We," he gesticulated widely towards the house, "We are a team. No-one else gets to see the stuff we see. No-one else can being to understanding hosting an alien symbiote, or getting their mind probed by some crazy Tok'ra gadget, or having to shoot a friend because if you don't he's going to be forced to take his own life thanks to some egomaniacal 'would be god' who has programmed him to self-destruct. No-one. So I think its pretty fracking reasonable - no professional - for us to share this kind of crap between us and deal with it the best way we can. And I am not going to stop taking care of my team the only way I know how. By being part of it."

Unveiled fury burnt in O'Neill's eyes as he spoke. His voice passionate, strong and strangely quiet and dangerous at the same time. "And you," he finished in a hushed, gentle tone, "You never have to hide how you feel. Not from Daniel, not from Teal'c and not from me. We are here for each other because we are a team and we are here for each other."

Carter felt hot tears buddle in her eyes as she tried to reign in the relief that sucked away the last of her energy.

"C'mere," he said, pulling her into his arms.

She resisted, tension holding her rigid. "I can't…" he voice broke before she could finish.

"If it makes you feel any better I'll hug Teal'c the next time he has a bad day," O'Neill smirked, "Wouldn't want anyone to feel left out now, would we?"

And so he held her, his strong arms protectively wrapped around her slight frame, rocking her gently as she cried out her combined grief.

And she held on to him, grateful that nothing on this world, or any other, could change this one moment.

Tomorrow it would be business as usual. Another stargate, another world, another day, but they would enter it safe in the knowledge that they would always have each other.


End file.
